JE ME SOUVIENDRAI
In the summer of 2024, I was honored to be invited to be an artist-in-residence at Le Germinal in Newport, Québec, Canada. For one month, I resided in a repurposed cliff-side presbytery in the idyllic region of Gaspésie alongside a number of talented francophone artists, writers, and poets. While there, I experimented with portable technology to create ephemeral site-specific installations, where I explored my familiar themes of liminality and nostalgia while also pondering my relationship with French language and culture. Specifically, I questioned my basic proficiency — which at that point had no real-world practice — and began to forge new and meaningful connections through francophone media and the new friends I had made. In all, this experience was a time of art, poetry, and new connections.
Je me souviendrai

50 miles to the border
the exits anticipate the change
as “Sortie” coexists under “Exit”
I knew what sortie meant already
but I get excited at what new words
will be added to my vocabulary,
not because I need to remember them for an exam,
or because Duo thought it would help me learn le passé-composé
 mais, because I will have actually experienced it

I cross the border
Travaux veut-dire “road work”
Chantier, “construction site”
It is nice to finally be somewhere francophone
seeing a language be alive
instead of just written in a grammar book
or dictionary
or screen

As I continue driving
Lisant les signaux et billboards est un défi amusant
Donc, je me test en écoutant la radio
Mais, c’est difficile
Seulement, un « radio publique » ci
ou un « Joe Biden » là
Je savais que deux ans au lycée
and even more of half-hearted Duolingo
could never perepare me adequately
Mais, now I am reminded
Sure of that fact

Enfin, j’arrive
Not without putting on what little French music I know of
« Peut-être, il va m’aider »
je me dis
Mais, non
Even so, j’aime beaucoup being somewhere
not centered around English
Même si je ne comprends pas tout
tout est nouveau et fascinant
Il est sympa sitting around the fire
or at the table
where my new friends share how their day went
et ce qui se passe
Chasse-moustique veut-dire “bug spray”
Chârogne est “road kill”
ou “a derogatory word for a not-very-feminine-woman”
ou aussi, un super nom pur un groupe punk feminist
It is nice to finally be someplace francophone
Where what I learn isn’t from a book
or algorithm
or even a road sign
Mais plutôt, des amis

Je me demande
lorsque je me rentrerai
si ces mots et ces phrases will stay with me
or if I will go back
to my life where French is optional
a hobby

I think of the iconic license plate
and I wonder si je me souviendrai
or, if more like the English sense of “souvenir”
my French will be something I polish off
remember fondly
and then put away until the next time
que je veux le souvenir

Mais, when everyone was speaking
and laughing around the table
I smiled
even as only a few words registered in my brain
because I knew their words were filled with the same friendship
et joie de vivre
that I knew from my own backyard firepit
or the back patio at Corrigan’s after a show
Monolinguism is a curse
that has kept me from directly encountering these experiences
that I know so well
and feel so familiar still

Je me souviendrai
not because learning a language looks good on a resumé
or a good way to keep one’s brain sharp
or even because I want to not be monolingual
Mais, parce que mew nouveaux amis le parlent

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